Gender and sexuality, girlsplained.
Hello peeps,
Welcome to another issue of Girlsplaining, where I - a girl - explain things. I don't pretend to be an expert on these topics; in fact, I am not. But I'm a fast learner, and I can easily explain the basics to increase your chances of someday winning 'Who wants to be a millionaire?' with every article you read.
First time reading? Subscribe here!
Today's email is a necessary preamble to the next article where I’m going to explain what it means to be gender-neutral.
I understand that these topics may seem complicated to you, they might not make much sense or seem too "progressive." But if you are one of those people who believes that everyone should be treated with respect, then I ask you to read this without searching for a reason, but internalizing these people exists whether you understand it or not. And you have the power to decide if you want to treat them with respect or not.
With that said, let's get started!
What is the difference between gender and assigned sex?
Gender, according to the WHO, "Refers to the characteristics of women, men, girls and boys that are socially constructed. This includes norms, behaviors and roles associated with being a woman, man, girl or boy, as well as relationships with each other." In other words, gender is what we identify with and how we’ve learned to behave.
Sex, on the other hand, is the biological and physiological part. It is what we are assigned at birth respecting our genitals. You are a woman assigned at birth when you have a vagina, or a man assigned at birth when you have a penis.
Why is it important to make the distinction?
Because sexuality, identity, and gender expression don't necessarily go together. In my case, I am a woman assigned at birth, I identify as a woman, and I express as a woman when I dress, act and refer to myself as a woman.
However, there are people in whom these concepts are opposite. Assigned sex may differ from gender identity and expression. So they can be men (biologically), who identify and express themselves as women, as neither of them, or as one or the other at times.
In the next email, I will talk more about this that’s why it is important to make this distinction very clear.
Gender identity and expression are also different from sexual orientation. The second, indicates the gender you are attracted to. According to the Fundación Huésped, it refers to:
“The physical, emotional, erotic, affective and spiritual attraction that we feel towards another person. This attraction can be towards people of the same gender (lesbian or gay), the opposite gender (heterosexual), both genders (bisexual), or to people regardless of their sexual orientation, identity, and/or gender expression (pansexual). Throughout life, it is possible to change one's sexual orientation. "
And it has nothing to do with one's gender identity. For example, a trans man (a woman assigned at birth who identifies as a man and transitioned to being one) may be attracted to men, women, both, or neither.
What are gender roles and why are they so hurtful?
Gender roles, according to a study from the University of Maine, "are based on the different expectations that individuals, groups, and societies have of individuals based on their sex and on each society's values and beliefs about gender"
According to Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, writer and feminist, "gender roles are solemn nonsense."Because you are a girl" is never a reason for anything. Never." (Dear Ijawele, 2016. p. 28)
Basically, gender roles are all the things we’re told to do because we are a man or woman. Phrases like this perpetuate this disctintion, I’m sure some of these will sound familiar:
Men wear blue; women, pink.
You run, hit, and/or cry like a girl.
Men don't cry.
Girls play with dolls; boys, with cars.
She cannot be a leader, she is too emotional.
You cannot go to the mechanic alone because they will want to charge you more for being a woman and not knowing about cars.
How can you not like football if you are a man?
A man must provide.
An independent woman is intimidating and no one will want to marry her.
I don’t know about you, but I’ve heard all of those phrases.
The reality is, gender roles cause a lot of damage because they pigeonhole us all in places where we may not belong. By not fitting in, identity problems are unleashed, and we limit ourselves from doing many things we’ve always wanted to do but couldn’t because they weren’t "girly or manly."
I am sure that we all know a woman who had children even if she did not want to because that was "her job," or a father who had to go into debt to be able to cover family expenses because it was "his responsibility."
The thing is gender roles are learned, and just as we learned them, we can unlearn them. Let's begin to believe that we can all do everything with the correct conditions (apart from physiological tasks inherent to each sex, such as menstruating, giving birth, generating sperm, etc.).
Beyond explaining the basics today, I'd like you to take home an assignment.
Start thinking about what kinds of things you do - or think - are a consequence of something you learned in this area. Especially when something bothers you, switch the gender of the person in the example and you will find out if it is the situation or the gender that annoys you.
For example, if it upsets you to see a woman asking for money on the street, but you don’t care if it’s a man doing it. Then, poverty does not bother you, women might.
Try it in any case, gender, or sexual orientation. You will make unconscious biases, conscious. That’s the first step towards working on them.
It's not easy, the world changes every second, and it's hard to keep up. The good thing is we are making a better world for everyone and the generations to come. We have the power to decide if we want to make others feel good even if we cannot fully understand it.
Look at all the things you learned today:
People's sexual or gender decisions don't have to make sense to you, but you can choose to respect them.
The sex assigned at birth refers to the genitals we are born with.
Gender identity is how we perceive and refer to ourselves.
Gender expression is how we act, dress and express ourselves.
Sexual orientation is who we are attracted to (homosexual, heterosexual, pansexual, bisexual).
Assigned sex can be the same or different to the identity or gender expression, and sexual orientation.
Gender roles are what we expect from people because they are men or women.
Gender roles hurt us all because they narrow the limits of our world.
Gender roles are learned and can be unlearned.
Ask yourself questions to make unconscious biases conscious.
Thanks for reading. I hope you learned something. If so, please recommend it, leave a comment if you want me to explain any particular topic, or buy me a beer if you truly enjoyed it.
What did you think of this article?